Where You Been?

Back in my podcasting days, podfading was the term used when a show began posting fewer and fewer episodes and eventually quit publishing altogether. Usually, it meant that the show’s creators might have moved on to some shiny new project. Perhaps they had not reaped the fame and rewards they expected from the difficult work of putting together a show. Maybe they just became bored.

I don’t know if there is a similar term for blogging (blogfading?), but I keep thinking about this space and wondering if it just looks like another blog gone by the wayside.

I think I may be a victim of my own standards. I wanted my writing here to reflect a search for authenticity; to communicate my own efforts to move towards a more authentic version of myself. What I failed to anticipate was a time when honest communication would work directly against my goals and efforts.

I made it no secret that I left my job and was actively looking for the next professional step in my career. That also meant that I had to be open to professional opportunities with new companies and organizations which might present themselves along the way. And… therein lies the rub. You can’t maintain an online “presence” and interview like a rock-star when your “authentic” self is posting things like

  • “Just finished another interview with a vast, faceless organization that is just looking for another cog in their profit machine.”
  • “Went to another meeting today where I felt like a square peg in an organization of round holes. I think I’m on the wrong planet.”
  • “Oh crap. Where’s the money for _______ going to come from?”
  • “Wah wah wah. Nobody likes me.”
    (OK – I might not have posted that one, but I had days like that.)

It’s hard to get hired when you communicate your humanity by saying “I’m uncertain of what I want, of where I’m going, and I’m a little scared of what’s next.” There’s always someone in line behind you willing to say whatever it takes to get ahead of you regardless of the amount of truth involved.

Feeling stuck between authenticity and being an ideal job candidate, I froze and opted for silence.

Today, I still don’t know what the future holds, but I think I can share more openly about what I’m doing with my time. I’ll have more to write about the specifics soon, but the short version is that I came to realize that spending my time trying to find a place where I can be just another employee took a lot of time and energy and yielded little in return. I needed to pay closer attention to the businesses and organizations that genuinely wanted me, needed my help and were willing to pay for it. That is how I’ve been spending the last few months and that may turn out to be the road map for the future. Only time will tell.

So, this space is not “blogfading.” I still have plenty of things to say and I think I am at a place where I can share those things appropriately and authentically.

As always, thanks for joining me on this journey.

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